Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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