Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
