I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
