This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
