I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
