sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
