I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
