I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
