I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
