No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
