You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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