Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
He shit in the fireplace
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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