its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
