the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
