apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
