He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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