So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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