Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
