OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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