Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
