My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just invented taco cereal.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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