I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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