NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
