So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
