I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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