I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
