you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Drake has all the answers
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
