I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
