Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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