dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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