And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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