The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
