i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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