Christians are straight up FREAKS
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
