If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
