we're chasing vodka with high fives
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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