My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
