i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
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