so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
