every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
