This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
