I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
