What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
