hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
