Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
