He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
