Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
