i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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