My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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