Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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